Sex You: The Cleanest Song Out

Below you will find “Sex You” by Bando Jonez Have you heard it?

So, what did you think?

I can tell you right now I lost my mind when I heard it for the first time. “What is this nasty garbage?…just another song about sexin’ some THOTarocci!” (Just a couple initial thoughts). This song eventually, however, became a guilty pleasure and I ultimately gave in to the sexual darkness.

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Still, here are the Reasons why this crazy song became dope to Allison Allie.

  1. Above everything else, the beat is undeniably fucking awesome (Don’t tell me that bass and kick with the water bubbles don’t touch your soul when it came on?)
  2. Vocals are solid. And that’s real.
  3. And most importantly, he doesn’t curse, cat call, describe sex scenes and/or sexual parts, or objectify and disrespect a woman(en).

The song that I thought was so nasty and THOT-esque, is simply just a guy asking a girl to have sex with him and explaining his pursuit.

Literally.

Throughout the entire song, all he says is “Can I have sex with you? Have you had good sex recently? You know I’m from Atlanta, right?  Yeah, I was raised like a pimp, and all these girls want me, but I just want you…so…”

In all honesty, I could probably write a 10 page article on how clean this topic, but for the sake of time and your

 attention, I’ll keep it brief. Maybe when I become a Professor. 

All I can say is this: Ladies, whether you answer yes or no, I think that’s a legitimate question for a man to ask a woman he wants to pursue, has pursued, or has a committed relationship with (real talk). Of course we’re going to say no if we’re not ready. But, you can’t get mad at him for wanting to. It’s human nature. Yes, you may not want to–it may creep you out, he may not be your type, he might be a boogawoof, or whatever fucking reason–so you have a right to say no. But I also don’t think it’s an issue if he politely runs his game. Clean approach, nice smile, and evocative tone, GIRL, he’s just asking for a smile =)

But if Rico Rich Dollaz from out South tries to come at me with ratchetry and coonery, it’s on, no shade.

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Besides, don’t act like you heauxs don’t have urges, too. Some of you wish you were getting some instead of reading this (it’s okay, I understand and empathize)! Seriously, though. I get that sleeping with a lot of people is a major health risk and is frowned upon, but there is nothing wrong with having fun with someone you care about, even if you’re not with him/her for the rest of your life.

You can’t help who you love or who you want to love on. And you can’t help if they love you, love you loving on them, and love loving on you.

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Macklemore’s Apology

A lot of things are devastating me about our world now:

1. Beyoncé and Jay-Z are the most important people in our universe #FACT.

 

2. West coast teams are dominating the sports industry…at least, minus Carmelo’s stunt last week.

Image by NBAmemes

Image by NBAmemes

 

3. There’s an oversaturation of racial ambiguity in commercials, following suit of the Cheerios incident. You know what they say, It’s not because it’s right, it’s because it’s economically sound. For example, meet the Rukavina’s

 

aaaand 4. Macklemore won best rap album over Kendrick Lamar (I call total BULLSHIT on that play)!

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Image by pandawhale.com

 

That apology was BS, too bro! Not to mention McThriftPantyShop decided to post it on IG like he needed to prove a point.

Macklemore via Instagram

Macklemore via Instagram

 

Needless to say I was PISSED!

 

However there is hope yet. An amazing person at Complex, Jack Erwin, decided to write an open letter in response to the apology. I said self, there is no need to dedicate the rest of the Chiberian polar vortex to making the ultimate Macklemore meme/gif.

Erwin says,

Quit apologizing. Not to get too reductive, but that shit is not hip-hop. Enough with the “I robbed you” and “I wanted you to win.” You’ve been doing this for years, you released your album independently, of course you wanted to win. Own that shit, man. And definitely enough with the Instagramming your text apologies, it just confirms everyone’s worst biases about the mawkishness of white people.

 

What do you say after that? lol

 

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#WTFU: Man Sentenced to 6 Months for OVERpaid Child Support

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Clifford Hall, on his way to a 6 month jail sentence for overpaid child support.

I can’t stand to hear stories about women who abuse the child support system. Especially when the father is willing to go above and beyond to support his children. Clifford Hall, who was sentenced to six months in jail after his son’s mother asked for an additional $3,500 after he overpaid for a child support ERROR!

You read it right! Hall–immediately after learning he was past-due in payments–not only paid the balance, but an additional $1,000 to balance his debt, and still got sentenced to six months in jail, all because of greed.

His lawyer, Tyesha Elam, spoke to HuffPost Live about her client’s dire situation:

“I assumed as soon as he brought me the receipt catching him up as well as the letter advising him of the overpayment, I thought, ‘oh this one will be easy.’ I’m thinking, ‘let me let the opposing counsel know and we’ll be done with this matter.’”

“But the opposing counsel informed me that she wasn’t willing to settle the case. She wanted $3,500 in attorney’s fees and she was confident from this judge that she could get it. So she refused to settle. So we had to move forward.”

“As of June 14, 2013, in the state of Texas, a person can get behind on their child support, show up to court, paid up, and still go to jail. The maximum sentence is 6 months in jail, and that is exactly what Mr. Hall was sentenced to.”

Elam was unable to appeal the judge’s decision, so Hall was left with no choice but to turn himself in. His sentence began on Jan. 21, 2014.

When he heard the verdict, Hall was shocked.

“My mouth just dropped. I’m looking around–I looked at my attorney like, ‘she’s joking, she can’t be serious,’” he explained. “We’re just sitting there like, ‘wow, I’m going to jail for six months. I’m going to jail for six months. I’m going to jail. This is so unfair, this is not right, this isn’t justice. This is not right.’ How is this in my son’s best interest? That doesn’t even make sense.”

It doesn’t make sense to me either Cliff. And here’s why:

Even though my parents kept my sister and I out their divorce disputes, I’m no stranger to the drama induced by child support. Visitation rights, emotional spats between parents–it can get really ugly. Luckily, for our sake, my parents never pawned us under selfish intentions, at least not for money. Even though my mother had custody of us, she never abused her right to get child support from him. In fact, I distinctly remember my mother tell us kids, “You better thank your father. He’s the reason you got (whatever she needed assistance in paying for) this!” She understood that it wasn’t her right to taint our view of our father and let us make our own decisions.

Now, I understand that every situation is different, and that there may be more factors to this equation that aren’t shown on HuffPost Live, but it still doesn’t explain why a man who made an effort to get back on track with child support was punished for it. I can only imagine what must be going through his son’s mind right now. Assuming he lives with his mother, I’m sure he’s getting a (tainted) different perspective of the situation.

What are your thoughts?

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#WTFU: Joan Rivers Calls North West ‘Ugly’

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Okay, as the EverythingAllison fans already know, I don’t care for Kanye West & Kim Kardashian that much. I could write a book about my disdain for them. But, in their favor, I can say their daughter is the cutest little munchkin and they did a good job in making her.

So when I heard Joan Rivers was throwing shade at the 7-month-old I almost lost my mind. According to RadarOnline, Ms. Rivers said

“That baby is ugly … I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing.”

Say what Joan? We talkin’ ’bout babies now? We’re throwing vanity into the equation, too? Because, all the collagen in the world couldn’t remove the valleys of wrinkles on you! Plus, your jowls are starting to look like the Grand Canyon!

You may have been trying to give Fashion Police some ratings with your ridiculous comments, and your audience may have been laughing because the alternative would have been to be slaughtered by the alien living inside you, but don’t you think talking about babies is a bit much? That’s the last thing I would expect from the future Face of Boe.

I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. You just shouldn’t talk about babies.

Follow Me @AllieLyke

 

#WTFU: Rihanna “Pour It Up” Video

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Came here to talk to y’all about Rihanna’s latest (allegedly) jaw-dropping visual for her song “Pour It Up,” the basic (literal) rewrite to Juicy J’s “Bandz” and the song that brought out all the circumstantial lesbians out there who would rather go see butts jiggle than to get their eyes poked out by some man’s “johnson.”

While part of me hates this video for it’s sexploitation and vulgarity, another part accepts it. Coming from a girl who was brought up on the 504 boyz, Cash Money, Ludacris and the Ying Yang Twins, the concepts of twerking and stripping on camera don’t necessarily excite me as a video that’s profound in terms of plot and/or creativity. Sure, Rihanna recruited some of the best dancers in the business for this video and even gave us a sample of her skills; but overall, like the song, the video is basic, boring, and down right cliche’. 

To the other bloggers out there looking for some crazy adjective (aside from ‘awesome’ and ‘epic’) please stop now. There is nothing special to report about this music video (#WTFU). It’s just Rih Rih, popping her booty (in or out of water), wearing something skimpy/provocative, and rubbing her crotch – her last 3-4 videos in a nutshell. And to the Rihanna fans (#WTFU), this should be a sign to send some fan mail to your girl and let her know that her ideas are wack, her songs are wack, and her videos are wack! She’s too damn pretty, and has too much talent to continue to give us the same mediocre, overused, hypersexualized crap.

Now, don’t get me wrong…I like turning up just like the next person. I consider it a perfect means of escapism from the real world. And I, too, enjoy the strip club (I went to Stadium for my 21st b-day). But don’t think, for one second, that I’m not going to sit around and let an artist, who I had a crush on at one point, sit there and deliver the same hyped up sex-fantasy she was giving me in 2011 and expect me to pay good money for it.

Maybe it’s time for Rih Rih to take a year-long break, develop her creativity, and give me something new. Cause I’m so tired of it boo! I really am.

Check out the video below and share your thoughts.

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#LaidStr8: Drake – Nothing Was The Same

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Same issues + New technique = The Perfect Basic Upgrade

Since Drake first came out with So Far Gone, I’ve put him in the “therapeutic remedy” catalogue in my music membrane. That is, whenever I went through a trying time–break-up, bad day at work, insecurities, etc.–there was at least one, or two, of his songs that could get me through it. It’s almost like Drake was, and still is, my Niles Crain, who undoubtedly is just as fucked up as I am but still manages to make it seem so easy to get through. With that said, while Nothing Was The Same proves to be another therapeutic album, it’s definitely not the same emotive, crooning Drake we heard on Take Care and Thank Me Later. I mean, when you look at the content, it’s still the same in terms of topics: industry woes, previous relationships, daddy issues, the whole nine-yards. However, the way he goes about addressing them has a completely different formula.

For one thing, Drake recruited a new set of depression infused cameo artists including the likes of Jhene’ Aiko, and Sampha, who, if you weren’t in your right mind, would make you start balling the moment you heard them. Then, there is less abstraction and more trap, I guess to meet the contemporary needs for the hipsters looking to bob their heads to a tune when a bowl isn’t in their hands. Finally, there’s a lot more repetition, proclaiming a sense of affirmation. I’m almost positive that 99.9% of Facebook & Twitter users will say “I’m on my worst behavior” after today, and half of them will yell it in the streets like banshees. I can’t blame them, though. Escapism is a bitch and with these trying times she don’t come out that often.

Overall, despite it being similar to a basic iPhone upgrade, I say this album is perfect when you need a quick pick-me-up when you have those off moments in the day–boss pisses you off, FedLoans harrasses you on the phone, or when your girl complains about you “liking” too many IG photos that aren’t of her (just to name a few scenarios when applicable). It may not prove as effective as Drake’s previous works, but you know what, he gets an E for Effort, and it’s better than the rest of this garbage that I didn’t feel like reviewing this summer.

#LaidStr8 Scale:  6/8

#Str8Songs: 5. Own It*, 6. Worst Behavior, 12. Too Much, 15. All Me, 10. The Language

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#WTFU: George Zimmerman’s Verdict

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After coming home from the Taste of Chicago Saturday night, I was made aware that George Zimmerman was found “Not Guilty.” The video below is my response to it. Please, do not take my resilience as a sign of nonchalance or denial because I still have strong disbelief in our justice system. On the contrary, I offer this as a way to ease the minds of my people in hopes to keep hope alive and give them a new way to think about the verdict, even if it isn’t what we thought Zimmerman deserved.

 

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#LaidStr8: Jay-Z – Magna Carta…Holy Grail

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A new Monogram suit for your ear drums

For those who have not heard, I’ve been recently added to Banana Republic‘s merchandising team. Since working there, I’ve picked up new terms, the most important being ‘price point’. Basically, it’s how we at BR justify selling high priced clothing to our customers, or why our clothes are at a higher price point. For example, we offer two brands of suits–for the sake of your attention span, we will just call them the Regular and the Monogram. While both are good quality, the Monogram suit (a BR exclusive & the more expensive of the two) is $700–$450 just for the jacket! Why the absurd price point? Well, it’s made from fine Italian wool, it’s naturally resilient to wrinkles and elasticity, and it’s an exclusive (meaning Men’s Warehouse won’t have it).  Which generally means it could be the difference between you standing out in a business meeting or looking like you came from Walmart. An even better question to ask, though, is what the hell this gibberish has to do with Jay-Z’s latest project Magna Carta…Holy Grail?! Well, I’ll tell you. It’s because, like the suit, only grown folks can understand why it’s so important.

Like the typical Jay-Z album, only the greats are featured on it. Timbaland produced a majority of the project, and there are a few other big names like Pharrell Williams, Mike WiLL-Made It, and Brampton’s rising teenage sensation Wondagurl, just to name a few.  This time though, Mr. Carter got a lot more personal with us, addressing some of his deepest fears and struggles. The most emotional: JAY Z Blue which highlights the tremendous love his has for his wife and daughter (and probably one of the cutest songs he’s ever written). Let’s just say, only a grown man will say that he would rather be in a messed up relationship than to have joint custody of his child. That’s real love and dedication you don’t see on teen mom, or from a Black man for that matter.

To be completely frank, I only think grown folks will like this album, and I’m not just saying older adults either. I mean people who are about THAT LIFE and do what they have to do, not just to survive, but to live beyond average lives either now or in the future. As a hardworking adult with three jobs, I understand the importance of making sacrifices so I can be better than the next person and be on route to success. So I empathize with Jay-Z and the issues brought up in his music. Those who aren’t fully acclimated to this mentality, while they may try to understand it and give a few head nods, won’t appreciate it to the full extent it should be. That’s just the world we live in. Still, everyone can’t dig it, or wear a Monogram suit. If that were the case then no one would be about that life, and who wants that?

#LaidStr8 Scale:  7/8

#Str8Songs: 4. F*CKwithmeyouknowigotit, 7. Somewhereinamerica, 8. Crown*, 12. Beach Is Better, 14. JAY Z Blue

 

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#WTFU: Paula Deen, Intentional (Not Accidental) Racist

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I’m tired of the Paula Deen damage control crap. She’s not the first white racist. She will NOT be the last white racist. Bottom line, she knew what she was doing. So why is she going around giving these BS apologies? I honestly think what Food Network should have done was take her income for the upcoming year and donate it to a African American non-profit or some college fund somewhere. Maybe even a program for at risk, minority youth that teaches cooking/nutrition classes. That would do some real damage to her. But no, they ‘dropped’ her so she can be picked up by another network. And as an African American I’m supposed to be okay with that, right?

#WTFU people.

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#WTFU: Immigration Reform, The Unofficial Purge

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I wrote this article as a final for my Column & Opinion Writing Class before graduation. It’s linking the concept of The Purge with my opinions regarding Immigration Reform in America. Read on below.

Immigration Reform: The Unofficial Purge

I recently went to the movies to see the surprising box office sensation “The Purge” with my uncle who is a law professor at Northwestern University. As you may know, the movie’s premise is a peaceful future (2020) where the government has sanctioned that crime be legal for a horrifying 12-hour night once a year (Alexander, 2013). The main character, James Sanders (Ethan Hawke), is a very successful home security salesman and father who is, for the first time, faced with the negative effects of an unforgettable purge night.

In spite of his intricate home security system, and high class environment, his home is infiltrated by masked, death-crazed vigilantes who, as the movie frequently suggests, wish to release their stress and purge themselves of their inadequacies (the poor and noncontributing members of society). To make a long story short, the purpose was to show how the rich don’t think about how certain laws affect society until it affects them directly and violently. More importantly, it conveyed the  very thick line between the freedoms of the underclass and those of the upper class.

Even though I thought the movie was excellently done, for what it was, I was still taken aback by it’s interesting concept. Not only does this movie hit too close to home, I honestly think there are many Americans that would argue for a “purge” sanction to exist. In an attempt to wrap my mind around this, I had an in depth conversation with my uncle who, unfortunately, took my fears to a whole other level. He suggested this:

Uncle: You don’t have to worry about the government starting a purge day because it already exists!

Me: What you mean?!

Uncle: Think about it. We may not kill off criminals, or the poor, but we do sanction them to a certain degree, right? We exclude them so that they are only in specific areas and so we don’t see them. Then they aren’t a problem. So when bad things happen in those areas, it’s okay, as long as the “rich folk” ain’t hurt. This movie is doing the same thing, except instead of imprisoning them or forcing them to live in ghettos, they are killing those underprivileged folks off.

To a large degree, he’s right. We (generally speaking) may not kill off those who don’t benefit from the unbalanced system formally known as our nation’s government (they were considered “sacrifices” in the movie), but we still deny them the right (at least not the same right) to live comfortable, sustainable lives in hopes to make a clean, distinct line between the haves and have-nots.

Take, for instance, the growing controversial debate around immigration reform. While the new legislation seems promising opportunity for illegal immigrants,, there is still the aspect of limiting their, albeit already slim, chances of “joining the American family” (Obama as quoted by Mascaro & Parsons, 2013). Similar to the purge concept,, there is an underlying sense of establishing a border between the haves and have-nots and creating a means to police that thick line.

On one hand, within the new legislation, there’s the proposition of  a 10 to 13-year route to legal status with an additional focus on tighter border control. The bill will provide $4.5 billion for more drones, manpower and double-layer fencing on the U.S.-Mexico border during its first five years in effect (Mascaro & Parsons, 2013). The bill will require all businesses to verify the legal status of new employees, which will encourage a better economy.

On the other hand, however, the process to citizenship will be long (even for those who are already illegally here) and it will become increasingly difficult for new immigrants to come into our country and lead better lives. It will also require immigrants who are already here to undergo background checks and pay fines and fees just so they can gain provisional status that allows them work permits (Mascaro & Parsons, 2013).. Not to mention the tax dollars going towards new technology and security efforts. To make matters worse, according to Obama, this bill is only “…the opportunity — not the guarantee…” (Obama as quoted by Mascaro & Parsons, 2013), which means these people aren’t even guaranteed to become citizens after a decade of involvement.

So, what’s the point?

It is very simple–to make the lives of current citizens more sustainable, and the opportunities for outsiders unbearable. On the one hand, this bill proposes an opportunity to police illegal aliens that are “draining our government resources” (as most Americans like to argue). Jobs will return to the American people, and the growing latino community will have a concrete pathway towards citizenship. At the same time, it’s a radical way to permit those underprivileged many to seek access within one of the best countries in the world and it’s privileged few. While this new bill seems to be a step in the right direction, like the purge, we are still limiting the pathway to access.

Works Cited:

(Alexander, 2013)

http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2013/06/09/purge-ethan-hawke-box-office/2405749/

(Mascaro & Parsons, 2013)

http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-senate-immigration-bill-vote-20130611,0,4930182.story

 

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